I only need a hug...

I've always tried to be strong. No sink, getting over it. In fact, I've never succeeded, everything have been one more appearance. One of many good sides that are put in front of people.I've always been weak, and I hated it. And I always hated more that other realized it.

To bad weather, good face, they say. I have put good face to bad weather, storms and hurricanes. I've smiled to everyone, without any reason. I've given lot of smiles, though I couldn't say how many of them are real.I've smiled without wanting to until it has become a habit. I know some people will call it hypocrisy. It isn't. It's simply proud, wishes to be stronger, to not hurt anyone.

But of course, at the end, you just being alone, and then are no longer need to smile. My bedroom walls have received so many hits and they have seen so many tears that if they spoke, they won't shut up.

It's good to know that there are people around you, that you can rely on them and that they will help you with your problems. I know that. They repeat it to me everyday. To be able to tell them what happen to me is something very different.

Maybe it's proud, probably, pure stupidity, but I am not able to talk with anyone. I'd rather eat my problems, my fears and my silliness, but it's likely to end up catching an indigestion.

And cry, cry everytime I'm alone. Though I knew it doesn't solve anything, though I hate myself for every tear I spill, for every sign of weakness. Cry in silence, trusting in that, someday, someone ends saving me of all this. 

Today is one of those days in what I want to disappear. One of those days in which I would give everything for one of that hugs that make you lose the breath.

~Triss