Am I a game? I'm sorry, game over

And you don't realize, or maybe you don't want to realize, that you're games and you changes of mind get me dizzy, get me lost, and make me want to runaway of all this. And yet, I can't stop feeling what I feel for you. Maybe because I'm too stupid or maybe for something else. Anyway, it doesn't matter. To you, at least, not.  You don't care how I feel, and you don't mind playing with me. Because, even you don't believe it, I know what are you doing. 

 I don't care for you, as much as it hurts me. And I tried to convince myself that you don't really care to me.  And of course, I can't, and I still making me stupid illusions.

I still waiting as the idiot I am, though I don't really know what I'm waiting for. 

I still waiting for you look, I still waiting for listen you saying to me the words that I want to listen. I still waiting for your smile, for some act, some sign that tell me this isn't only my imagination. 

I still trying to find something that everyday I'm more convinced that I won't find. And yet, I try it again, and again, and again. I still illusion myself, living in Wonderland, where everything is possible, Thought I know it won't serve for anything. My head still on clouds, even I tried to keep my feet on ground.  

And at the end, I will come some day in what I'll be tired. Really, I'm already tired. Tired of wait for you knowing you're not coming, of believing your words as an innocent girl. Tired of everything. 

And the worst part is that I know perfectly that while there is at least the illusion that there are at least a half of chance that something is real, I'm going to keep fighting for something I know beforehand is lost. 

~Triss