Smile for smile

If all of us receive only what we give, world would be a more just place- And we would be better people. Anyone want to receive bad things. Anyone like be used, but many people do it. Of course, if they know that someday they will suffer it, maybe they would thing two times before.
And not, I'm not defending eye for eye. In that case, all of us would be blind, me the first. I defend the "smile for smile" that I know I have just invented. I defend optimism as way of life, solidarity as flag and friendship as religion  
But that friendship must be the real one. That friendship that doesn't end the day you haven't got a test, or you understood the lesson the first time. If friendship for you is that, sorry, you don't need a friend, you need a teacher. And for classes, I collect. I don't refer also to that friendship only exists when you're bad, looking for a piece of advice with that person you want, or simply you have one of that days when you only want to cry. In that case, you need a kleenex better than a friend.
I defend the friendship of be there always. Of share laughs, dreams, secrets and tears. Friendship of today for you, tomorrow for me. Of it doesn't matter what you've done, it doesn't matter mistakes, because if it's real, always is forgiven.  
I defend friendship which is built step by step, problem by problem. Which for more hit it receive, stand there forever. Which gives, without be waiting to receive back, but which also receive even when it doesn't deserve anything.
That friendship never dies, never disappears, never is forgotten. Friendship composed of that friends you don't change for anything. Who are loyal to you, happen what happen. Who you know are there, but you must take care, you want to take care, for not lose them. 
I'm talking about real friendship. I'm talking about what I feel, what some people feel for me. I'm talking about the feeling make me go on every morning. I'm talking about what lot of people don't know what is.

~Triss 

Stand-by

Today I'm going to turn off my heart, to anaesthetize my feelings- I'm going to stop imply myself with the world. To drown my illusion. I'm going to be in stand-by for everyone. Because if I'm not here, they couldn't hurt me again  And I'm tired of suffering and crying. Because hit by hit, I've discovered that all things really matter for me, love, friendship, sincerity and confident, are things about anyone cares.And love, we say what we say, we can't know what is now; friends, are no longer friends, maybe cognates, o probably, simply known ones. Sincerity is something  that is hidden so well that I would swear it doesn't exist, and if you give confidence,is probably you find backstabbing. 
And I know what I write isn't nice, and that don't like to think it. But as much as you want, things aren't going to change, are in that way, and we must live with it. 
 Si I will put my earphones, I will listen, one by one, all the songs of my life. I'll soak with each chord, I'll sing until lose my voice. One by one, with out skip anyone. I'm going to disconnect of reality, and I'm going to runaway of pain. And I'm going. I'm going to don't go back there. 

~Triss

Forbidden

It is forbidden to cry without learning,

to wake up one day not knowing what to do, 

to be afraid of your memories. 

It is forbidden not to smile at problems, 

not to fight for what you want, 

to abandon everything because of fear, 

not to transform your deams into reality. 

      

It is forbidden not to show your love, 

to make someone pay for your debts and your bad mood. 

      

It is forbidden to leave your friends, 

not to try to understand what you lived & shared together, 

to call them only when you need them. 

      

It is forbidden not to be yourself in public, 

to feign with people you don't care about, 

to fake being funny just to make them remember you, 

to forget all the people who love you. 

      

It is forbidden not to make things by yourself, 

not to believe in God and forge your fate, 

to be afraid of life and its engagements, 

not to live each day like it was your last. 

      

It is forbidden to miss someone without 

cheering, to forget his eyes, his smile, 

just because your paths stopped being embraced, 

to forget his past and pay it with his present. 

      

It is forbidden not to try to understand people, 

to think that their lives are more valuable than yours, 

not to know that each person has his own ways and his own happiness. 

      

It is forbidden not to create your history, 

not to have a moment for the people who need you, 

not to understand that whatever life gives you, it takes it away as well. 

      

It is forbidden not to search for your happiness, 

not to live your life with a positive attitude, 

not to think that we can be better, 

not to feel that, without you, this world wouldn't be the same.

~Pablo Neruda 

We'll make it, I swear

We gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We've got each other, and thats a lot
For love ... we'll give it a shot

We're halfway there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, and we'll make it, I swear

~Livin' on a prayer

Unforgettable

One more day, I've made a whole ritual to try to sleep. As I'm doing since months ago. I've turned off the lights, I've downed blinds and I've tried, without any result, to read. I've tried to listen to music and to count sheep.  I've took tea, lime, hot milk and all that people have recommended me. And your image still not letting me to close my eyes in peace. 
Right now, I would wish wind howling outside to take with him all my tears, my memories and the incessant sound of your voice that haunt me in the most unexpected... and also inopportune times. 
Because I can't think in future now. My future doesn't matter if it isn't by your side. 
What I'm doing with my life? Survive, only that. Wish the day to come to see you, even in distance, for a moment. Because the hole you left inside me, it can't be filled but for you. It has your shape and your name. And nobody else fits there. 
And I hate this. I hate having to lie to myself and to others... and much more, I hate letting you to believe my lies. That you think I don't love you, that I hate you and that, at the end, I've learned how to live without you and don't to miss all your stupid crazes of which I complained... but now, I would give anything to recover it.
Because I miss you. Yeah, you, who has sunk me again and again, who has hurt me more than anyone, who has made me to pour the tears I've swore not to pour never. To you, I miss you.
And this night, I will dream awake again with your kisses and your words. I will remember one more time your touch in my back, your look in my eye, and all that words that I want to listen. I will dream awake with you, and I hope that down again, so we can to cross again in a hallway, at least for a moment.

~Triss

Love ♥

 I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you.

~The notebook

Anyone love dies, only change its place in memory...

I have never understood those words, until now. When a love is forgotten, is because it is dead. But of course I have just realized you never forget, just get used to live with the emptiness of his absence. Yes, I’m talking about him again. And yes, I know you thought I must be idiot for not spending page for a damn time and stop thinking about him. I know seven months is lot of time, and that, if he hadn’t shown anything by now, he won’t do it this time. But I also know that everybody repeats all time that hope is the last thing you must lose. Yes, I love him, even I refused it. Yes, what I’m doing is not well at all, I will hurt everybody, myself the first. Yes, I’ve to decide, I can’t live present tied to past.

But you can’t ask me to forget him, because I don’t want to forget. Because I remember the times of each bus he took to see me. Because every song talks about him, about that “we” lost. Because in each word, there is his absence. Because, even I try it, I haven’t the strength or the courage to get him out of my mind, and be able to look at him and see how he continues with his life, without had something broken inside of me and need to down my eyes and walk faster.  Because I would like to blow and that all the memories disappeared, but not even a hurricane can make disappear his kisses and the remember of his hand on my skin. Nothing can make me stop to tremble when I remember his voice in my ear. Nothing will make tears stop coming to my eyes every special day, as one more reminder what is gone.

That he don’t love me, I know. That maybe, he has never loved me. But my memories can’t be erased for much I tried it, and they assault me more usually each time. 

Tired

Today is gonna not to care what they say about me. Today I'm gonna act without thinking before, without think about the expectancies they have put on me without my permission. I'm gonna do what I really want. without thinking about consequences. Because I've already realized it doesn't worth worrying about. That talk, all people are going to talk, I do what I do. There will always be something about someone will be in disagree. And of course, they're going to talk. They will say thousand and one stories, they will tell three thousand lies, y perhaps one true. 

I will never be good for everyone, my attitude will always be bad for someone.  lguna verdad.

And today, it doesn't matter at all, I am satisfied to be good for me. Because I'm tired of being what they want me to be, of thinking what is correct to think and of strangling my feelings for not to hurt anyone. But of course, it doesn't matter if other people hurt me. 

Today I'm gonna be me, I'm gonna think only about me, and I'm gonna tell you what I feel inside. No matter what and who bother. 

Today, there aren't tears which worth, or mysteries to looking for.

And I'm not getting around it, because that's always to be cross, and we both know it. Today, I'm tired you to behave so. 

~Triss

Scusa ma te chiamo amore

Fear of love. What could be more beautiful? What greater risk worth taking? With how nice it is to surrender to the other person, trust her and think of nothing more than to see her smile.The most beautiful love is a miscalculation, an exception that proves the rule, that forwhat you've always used the word "never. " What I have to do with your past, I am acrazed variable not going your vida.Pero to convince that.The love is not wisdom, crazy...

 ~Sorry if I call you love.

We only remember what never happened.

I thought life allows each of us some few moments of pure happiness. Sometimes they are only days or weeks. Sometimes, years. All depends of our fortune. The remember of these moments go with us forever and is transformed into a country of the memory to we try to come back for the rest of our life without getting it. 

~Marina

We're different, impossible

In future less clear

Understand well what you say
Make me feel so strange

All starts to become sad
To stay on the other side

You also promised it
We are both wrong

~Por el miedo a equivocarnos

Something to remember

Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

~ Sleepless in Seattle 

Today, I'm going to do that too.  One more time, I'm going to get out of bed, I'm going to smile and I'm going to pray for, someday, I won't need to plan every smile and every gesture. I'm going to pray for, someday, I won't need to get you out of my mind at every moment, I won't need to fight with your memory second by second. Because I don't want to remember you. I don't want to think every minute about all the good moments we shared together, and about all them we could share yet, if things had happened in other way.
If your proud or my exigencies had let us to be happy. And today, I don't want to think that it could be a special day, and I don't want to wish, when I arrive home and looked at my phone, there will be some sing of you. That phone which is forget by casualty, and which go with me to everywhere. And do you know? I don't believe in casualties. And I don't want to believe this, because I'm completely sure it's not coming true. And I don't want to love you, but at the same time, I'm absolutely afraid of the day I couldn't remember your voice.

~ Triss

Fear

 They say it's not strange, when we're young, to be afraid. Be afraid of darkness, of ghosts or perhaps of the monster under our bed.  

When I was younger, I haven't got fear. I've never had to look under my be before go to sleep, and I've never needed a small light on in the hallway. Fear comes after, when I grow up. 

Fear of pain, of hurting someone. Fear of someone to hurt me. Fear of getting involved, of them to know me. Fear of falling in love, of falling out love. Fear to illusion. Fear of feeling.

I guess you think I'm not normal at all, and it's impossible to be afraid of feeling. That it has any logic. That you can't be afraid of getting illusion. But it is not something that I've chosen for me. Fear is like love. You feel it, or you don't. There's nothing more. And it makes sense. Of course it does. 

Feeling, falling in love, Getting illusions is take the risk of be hurt. Tate the risk of pain. And don't want to be hurt has a lot of sense. 

But of course, it's also true that don't feel is make a wall around you. And I've always said that walls don't keep people out, but you inside. Although perhaps it's the most sense.

I guess at the end, whether o not sensible, we can't looked up forever. We have to take the risk of living. Don't let the world live without us. Because up, we liked it or not, is built by falls, backstabbing, and painful disappointments. And the only think we can do is learn from them, and return to risk that our eyes shine when we thought in someone, even though, after, that shine became tears. 

~Triss

A brother may don't be a friend, but a friend, will always be a brother

They say you can't choose your family. They say you accept which fate chooses for you and, you like it or not, you love it or not, you understand it or not, you accept it for the rest of you life. 

But I don't agree with this. Family where you born is only a start point. Are who, better or worse, lead you in your first steps, in your first words and in your first experiences. But then, you grow up, learn things and then you are who have to choose.

And I don't think family to be only them whom bleed you share. No, nothing of that. Family are all of them who make you improve everyday. They with whom you share laughs, tears, dreams and disappoints.  Are all the people who are always there, and always forgive, for much that you hurt. The real family is that you're able to choose, the ones who make you see they deserve it. Family are all the people that never feel disappointed, because there isn't any expectation. Those who support you in each of your ideas, for quirky and crazy they become. The ones that, for you, make bleed if it is necessary. Those who give you one, no, thousand and one reasons to smile every morning, and make every bad moment become in something that worth be remembered forever. 

Yeah, I'm talking about my friends. Those for whom don't care if it's five in the afternoon or three in the morning, because are there, for everything you need. They are who don't fail you, who make you smile in any moment. Those who let you fail, but are always there to take the pieces of me when I fall, that is almost all times. They, they are who make me go on everyday. 

~Triss

Fate

And yes, I believe in fate. Not in that fate which says everything will be perfect , pink. No, nothing of that. Pink only are my room walls, not the whole world, and perfect, I discovered that nothing is it long time ago. 

The fate which I believe talks about everyday, it is which says everything happen for some reason. The fate we decide by our acts. 

I don't believe in inevitable fate, neither all what has to come is written somewhere. I don't believe we were must to live a life planned for someone above us, simply, I believe all that happens is for something even we don't know never for what.  

If destiny were inevitable, then it would be pointless fight. It would be much more sensible resign and accept everything that comes. 

It would be pointless illusions, dreams, hopes Nothing would be pointless. But for me, it has. I'm one of those who think that life is illusion, take risks, fail and try again. That life is based in dreams, and if no, it is no living but surviving.

So I guess that, even it is strange and contradictory, I believe in fate... but I want to write mine. 

~Triss

(Im)possible

The Royal Academy defines the word "impossible" as something that hasn't power or mean to become or happen . And it defines improbable as something implausible, not founded in a prudent reason.. 
Asking to choose, I like more the improbability than impossibility, as everybody, I guess.
The improbability hurts less, and leaves a loophole to hope, to the epic.  
David to win Goliat was improbable, but it happened.
An African-American living in the White House was improbable, but it happened. 
Barón Rojo back to play together was improbable but it happened too. 
Nadal dethroning Federer from numer one. A journalist turned into princess. The 12-1 against Malta.
Love, relationships, feelings, aren't founded in a prudent reason.
Is for that I don't like talk about impossible loves, but improbable loves. Because the improbable is, by definition, probable. What is almost certain not to happen, it can happen. 
And, while there is a possibility, a half chance in a billion that happens, it worth trying. 

~LHDP

I miss you...

I miss you. Even if it is stupid and you don't deserve it. Even I've already cried until I was no tears by your fault. For much that you've hurt me, and much bad you've treated me. Yet all my proud, today I miss you. No, I haven't forgotten you, if you're asking it and yes, I know that if you're reading this words is because lot of time has passed and things are changed. But it doesn't care to me. As the same way doesn't care that you have already forgotten me, and that you don't need stop smiling and turn your head down and walk faster when we met. Me, I miss you. Yes, before six months, that have passed too fast, and in which I don't know what I've done with mi life.
Today, I'm writing for you again, without knowing why, without knowing what I pretend to say, as almost always. Maybe I want to say that I miss the way you used to look at me, that I miss to lose myself into your eyes and all the stupid butterflies that fluttered inside me when you're arms were around me.
Perhaps that though I tried to say otherwise, and to make it happen, and although sometimes I believe have succeeded, I haven't forgotten you. 
That I remember your voice, your words, that I can'y know if it was true, that I don't forget you're smile. That I don't know how I feel, that I don't love you... but right now, I would give everything for you to make me see something that all this you say you feel for me. That, only for a moment, I would like everything to be as before, out of my dreams.

~Triss

Choose, chose... chosen?

We are tied, required to chose always. One thing or other. Day or night. In or out. Stay or say goodbye. You or me.
Life would easier if we could have everything, without choosing anything. We wouldn't have the problems we have, because we can't choose one thing without losing other at the same time. But decisions aren't only between black or white, or night or day. You cant chose the sunset, or the grey colour. We can chose a "we", a "see you soon". We can dream with having everything, at least for a moment.
Because after all, if you choose one thing, evidently the other have been discarded. However, I prefer thing that if we have to reject something is because, without any doubt, we have chosen something better. 

~Triss

If something doesn't have a beginning, does it have an end?

Things ends only when we say stop, not before.  Not worth that others decide for us, this is not enough. 
If we wish something, it is in our hands keep trying it, anyone, for important she seem have the right to deny it. Anyone can tell us what we can or not. 
Anyone can deny a second, third or even seventh opportunity. Anyone can prevent us to try it again. In anything. Even in love, we can keep trying it. And even we fail, even it was wrong again, there always are a new chance to try again. 
But remember, if you still doing what you do, you will still getting what you get.  

~Triss

I think we have an emergency

Cause I've seen love day
way too many times
when it deserved to be alive.
I've seen you crie
way to many times
when you deserved to be alive

~ Emergency

Am I a game? I'm sorry, game over

And you don't realize, or maybe you don't want to realize, that you're games and you changes of mind get me dizzy, get me lost, and make me want to runaway of all this. And yet, I can't stop feeling what I feel for you. Maybe because I'm too stupid or maybe for something else. Anyway, it doesn't matter. To you, at least, not.  You don't care how I feel, and you don't mind playing with me. Because, even you don't believe it, I know what are you doing. 

 I don't care for you, as much as it hurts me. And I tried to convince myself that you don't really care to me.  And of course, I can't, and I still making me stupid illusions.

I still waiting as the idiot I am, though I don't really know what I'm waiting for. 

I still waiting for you look, I still waiting for listen you saying to me the words that I want to listen. I still waiting for your smile, for some act, some sign that tell me this isn't only my imagination. 

I still trying to find something that everyday I'm more convinced that I won't find. And yet, I try it again, and again, and again. I still illusion myself, living in Wonderland, where everything is possible, Thought I know it won't serve for anything. My head still on clouds, even I tried to keep my feet on ground.  

And at the end, I will come some day in what I'll be tired. Really, I'm already tired. Tired of wait for you knowing you're not coming, of believing your words as an innocent girl. Tired of everything. 

And the worst part is that I know perfectly that while there is at least the illusion that there are at least a half of chance that something is real, I'm going to keep fighting for something I know beforehand is lost. 

~Triss

I only need a hug...

I've always tried to be strong. No sink, getting over it. In fact, I've never succeeded, everything have been one more appearance. One of many good sides that are put in front of people.I've always been weak, and I hated it. And I always hated more that other realized it.

To bad weather, good face, they say. I have put good face to bad weather, storms and hurricanes. I've smiled to everyone, without any reason. I've given lot of smiles, though I couldn't say how many of them are real.I've smiled without wanting to until it has become a habit. I know some people will call it hypocrisy. It isn't. It's simply proud, wishes to be stronger, to not hurt anyone.

But of course, at the end, you just being alone, and then are no longer need to smile. My bedroom walls have received so many hits and they have seen so many tears that if they spoke, they won't shut up.

It's good to know that there are people around you, that you can rely on them and that they will help you with your problems. I know that. They repeat it to me everyday. To be able to tell them what happen to me is something very different.

Maybe it's proud, probably, pure stupidity, but I am not able to talk with anyone. I'd rather eat my problems, my fears and my silliness, but it's likely to end up catching an indigestion.

And cry, cry everytime I'm alone. Though I knew it doesn't solve anything, though I hate myself for every tear I spill, for every sign of weakness. Cry in silence, trusting in that, someday, someone ends saving me of all this. 

Today is one of those days in what I want to disappear. One of those days in which I would give everything for one of that hugs that make you lose the breath.

~Triss

Life is for living it

Time. All we need is time. Time to decide, to think.

Time for wait. And it don't matter very  much if you're waiting for a change or for the things to stay on the same way. The thing is wait. One word, one look, one I hate you, one I love you.

But time is cruel, and it doesn't wait for anybody. It runs out, inexorably, second by second.

It doesn't stop, doesn't wait, it doesn't mind if we would wish it to stop, or to be faster. Relentless, it continues its beat, taking away old moments and bringing new experiences.

We wait the time to pass, thinking that something better will come later. After this exam, after this season, after our graduating day. After. But what we don't realize is that live happens while we wait. And at the end,  only is going to matter how much you've enjoyed it, and how many dreams have you become true. 

Present is today, and what matters is now. It doesn't worth wait for anything. So dream everyday, careless if you're sleep or awake. Don't shut anything you want to say. Illusion yourself.Take a chance to fail. Laugh  though it means rake the chance to be idiot. Cry though everybody called you sentimental. Scream until lose your voice, and run to anyway. Follow your dreams,  for much them go away of you. Forget what people say. Only matters what you say. And if someone told you that it's impossible, don't believe it.  There ins't lost causes or unreachable goals, only cowards that refuse follow them. 

And if comes storm times and dark clouds are coming soon don't give up, learn to dance int he rain

~ Triss

Expiration date

For many sleepless nights thinking that one engages in sentimental biography, the truth is you will find a few solutions. You can patch this or that relationship, but eventually it will happen again as usual in a given time it will jump into pieces as so often, because one is as is and is not to be easy to stop loving someone, is almost a match lost in advance.

So the best that could happen to us in that sentimental relationships to come with expiration date, as yoghurt,  so we would know in advance which is the date of the final and lose no time ininsecurity, suspicion, or discussion, would we enjoy every moment to the last split second.

Thought if you think about it, the good part of haven't expiration date is that it allows us to still dreaming on, that time, that yoghurt could be preserved forever.

~LHDP

Tomorrow, I'm talking with you.

Five words, eight syllables. Twenty-four letters. The reason for which, for first time, I'm writing something without planning it before. Writting without thinking about. Telling a screen what I refuse to tell myself. 


Tomorrow I'm talking with you. A reason to hope. To stop for a moment a film that, precisely, talk about casualties and love. About cold days, of chill wind that accelerate casualties. Days like today. Days when that you most want is going into bed, under a blanket, and listen to wind whistling outside. But I'm in front of a PC, with my toes frozen and, now, trembling while I'm writing. Although this had little to be with temperature.


Tomorrow I'm talking with you. Only five word that are able to stole my sleep tonight. Five words that have woken up my hope, numb this week. And also the fear, that I know is waiting for me, and that, even I try to runaway, will get me tomorrow. When I were able to stop repeating that sentence in my head. And doubts, lot of doubts, so as always and now all at the same time. 


Casualties, cold, a film found by... casualty. And a promise, implicit in that five words. Tomorrow. Tomorrow you're talking with me. A casualty more, between so much others. I've never believes in them, not in that cases. But do you know? 


I'm staying here all the time it needs, waiting for my life's casualty, the biggest of them.

~Triss

Built up a world of magic...

Have you ever imagine how it would be live in Wonderland? In a world where everything is possible. Where growing up or shrinking only depend on what part of the mushroom is what you have bitten, where if you are not careful enough, you can drown in your own tears, where everyday, we celebrate a "no-birthday" party, and where roses are painted, for not show how that are in reality.

Imagine live in a place where things come true only wishing them. Where dreams are much more than illusions and you can touch them and hold them on your hands if you desire it strong enough.

And do you imagine live in Neverland? Fairies and eternal childhood's country. Sharing adventures and dreams with Tinker Bell and Peter Pan, with the lost boys. To be a child forever, don't have to worry about anything. No obligations, no responsabilities. Without all that problems that only appear when grow up. Without anything that tie you. And fly, it would be the best part. Flying over the clouds, entangled with the stars and look the worl from the top, far of it. Far of the tragic reality. Far of ourselves. Feeling free to do anything, and challenge even gravity. Anything that could stop us. A l

. Lejos de la trágica realidad. Lejos de nosotros mismos. Sentirse libre para hacer cualquier cosa, y desafiar incluso a la gravedad. Que nada pueda retenernos. A limit set only by our imagination, and that impossible was nothing but you've never tried
Do you imagine it? Me, every moment.

~Triss

And what will become of us if we lose little by little each day a little more...

~Qué va a ser