Take me somewhere new

What can you do when there's no way to go? When anything seems make sense, and fight doesn'r worth. Or even worst, when there's nothing to fight for. Because there's anything to lose, but neither anything to win. When you can't find your dreams, or it's better to keep them, because your legs are tired to run after them. 

Really, in that moments theres no much to do. You can accept it or... well, maybe you can do something. You can wake up morning by morning, look youself at the mirror and convince yourself you won't let the world eat you, at least without have bitten her before. And you can go out and walk, even without any destiny. Without looking backwards. Taking the risk of the unknown. No fears about what you're going to find, because you know it will be better than the absence you left behind. And if you find someone who fill that gap, don't let him go away. Because you'll never know if you'll find him again. And today I'm going to somewhere. Far of this. Close to you.
¿Won't you take me by the hand and take me somewhere new? I don't know who  you are but I'm with you.

#Triss

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

When your back burns for all the stab wounds wich had been recieved. When it bleeds for the wounds that will never close. When you realized that trust is gone, and you'll never find it again.
When lies are strung with inexplicable situations. When words to the back are more than words to the face. When promises and secrets didn't worth anything. When there's not any collusion. When you cry without knowing a reason. When you fake smiles for inertia.

When you don't know how to act. When anything seems be correct, you know something has changed forever.  And you can't go back. Things happen, problems appear, and friendship die. And it doesn't matter if you like it or not. You can try to avoid it, fight against it or close your eyes for not see that, but you know it will happen.
Someone can tell you it's fate. I don't believe it that kind of fate. Other could blame the time, which make us change. Neither I think it. It makes no sense to blame anyone beyond ourselves. We change and mature with the time, that's truth, but we are who decide what change and what leave in the past. And in this moment, all of us have to chose. And we have to do it. As we have to accept that someone left us in the past, and we don't matter anymore.
Because friendship, for me, means a lot, but eternity it's not its property. And I've learnt by the hard way and a lot of betrayls that, even we fight for it, it ends.
And sometimes we have to accept that it doesn't worth try to save what is lost forever.

#Triss

Unforgettable

One more day, I've made a whole ritual to try to sleep. As I'm doing since months ago. I've turned off the lights, I've downed blinds and I've tried, without any result, to read. I've tried to listen to music and to count sheep.  I've took tea, lime, hot milk and all that people have recommended me. And your image still not letting me to close my eyes in peace. 
Right now, I would wish wind howling outside to take with him all my tears, my memories and the incessant sound of your voice that haunt me in the most unexpected... and also inopportune times. 
Because I can't think in future now. My future doesn't matter if it isn't by your side. 
What I'm doing with my life? Survive, only that. Wish the day to come to see you, even in distance, for a moment. Because the hole you left inside me, it can't be filled but for you. It has your shape and your name. And nobody else fits there. 
And I hate this. I hate having to lie to myself and to others... and much more, I hate letting you to believe my lies. That you think I don't love you, that I hate you and that, at the end, I've learned how to live without you and don't to miss all your stupid crazes of which I complained... but now, I would give anything to recover it.
Because I miss you. Yeah, you, who has sunk me again and again, who has hurt me more than anyone, who has made me to pour the tears I've swore not to pour never. To you, I miss you.
And this night, I will dream awake again with your kisses and your words. I will remember one more time your touch in my back, your look in my eye, and all that words that I want to listen. I will dream awake with you, and I hope that down again, so we can to cross again in a hallway, at least for a moment.

~Triss

Anyone love dies, only change its place in memory...

I have never understood those words, until now. When a love is forgotten, is because it is dead. But of course I have just realized you never forget, just get used to live with the emptiness of his absence. Yes, I’m talking about him again. And yes, I know you thought I must be idiot for not spending page for a damn time and stop thinking about him. I know seven months is lot of time, and that, if he hadn’t shown anything by now, he won’t do it this time. But I also know that everybody repeats all time that hope is the last thing you must lose. Yes, I love him, even I refused it. Yes, what I’m doing is not well at all, I will hurt everybody, myself the first. Yes, I’ve to decide, I can’t live present tied to past.

But you can’t ask me to forget him, because I don’t want to forget. Because I remember the times of each bus he took to see me. Because every song talks about him, about that “we” lost. Because in each word, there is his absence. Because, even I try it, I haven’t the strength or the courage to get him out of my mind, and be able to look at him and see how he continues with his life, without had something broken inside of me and need to down my eyes and walk faster.  Because I would like to blow and that all the memories disappeared, but not even a hurricane can make disappear his kisses and the remember of his hand on my skin. Nothing can make me stop to tremble when I remember his voice in my ear. Nothing will make tears stop coming to my eyes every special day, as one more reminder what is gone.

That he don’t love me, I know. That maybe, he has never loved me. But my memories can’t be erased for much I tried it, and they assault me more usually each time. 

Something to remember

Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

~ Sleepless in Seattle 

Today, I'm going to do that too.  One more time, I'm going to get out of bed, I'm going to smile and I'm going to pray for, someday, I won't need to plan every smile and every gesture. I'm going to pray for, someday, I won't need to get you out of my mind at every moment, I won't need to fight with your memory second by second. Because I don't want to remember you. I don't want to think every minute about all the good moments we shared together, and about all them we could share yet, if things had happened in other way.
If your proud or my exigencies had let us to be happy. And today, I don't want to think that it could be a special day, and I don't want to wish, when I arrive home and looked at my phone, there will be some sing of you. That phone which is forget by casualty, and which go with me to everywhere. And do you know? I don't believe in casualties. And I don't want to believe this, because I'm completely sure it's not coming true. And I don't want to love you, but at the same time, I'm absolutely afraid of the day I couldn't remember your voice.

~ Triss

I miss you...

I miss you. Even if it is stupid and you don't deserve it. Even I've already cried until I was no tears by your fault. For much that you've hurt me, and much bad you've treated me. Yet all my proud, today I miss you. No, I haven't forgotten you, if you're asking it and yes, I know that if you're reading this words is because lot of time has passed and things are changed. But it doesn't care to me. As the same way doesn't care that you have already forgotten me, and that you don't need stop smiling and turn your head down and walk faster when we met. Me, I miss you. Yes, before six months, that have passed too fast, and in which I don't know what I've done with mi life.
Today, I'm writing for you again, without knowing why, without knowing what I pretend to say, as almost always. Maybe I want to say that I miss the way you used to look at me, that I miss to lose myself into your eyes and all the stupid butterflies that fluttered inside me when you're arms were around me.
Perhaps that though I tried to say otherwise, and to make it happen, and although sometimes I believe have succeeded, I haven't forgotten you. 
That I remember your voice, your words, that I can'y know if it was true, that I don't forget you're smile. That I don't know how I feel, that I don't love you... but right now, I would give everything for you to make me see something that all this you say you feel for me. That, only for a moment, I would like everything to be as before, out of my dreams.

~Triss

All I wanted is to be wanted..

The truth is that right now I would like to run, run to anywhere, until my  lungs burn and I couldn't breath. Or maybe scream, without saying anything, but so loud that everyone could hear my voice. Screaming until get hoarse, wishing you to hear my words. Or maybe hit the walls until my  knuckles bleed and I can stop that pain that get me numb. Until all cease to be important, to get back any tear running down my cheeks. 
I only want to runaway, to lose myself, to forget... Because you know what?I don't like the way you pay me no attention. I hate your way to ignore me everyday to next, make me feel at one time as the most important person in the world.  I don't like your repetitive excuses. I don't like this silly game. I don't want anything of that. 
I want you to talk me, to look me. I want you to rub me accidentally when you see me in a hallway. I want to feel sometime that your smile is for me. I want you to look at me in the same way you look at her. I want that once, only one time, you give me the attention I offer you every second. 
I want meant to you the same that you meant to me. And I want you to know. I want you to realize. I only want you for love me. 

~Tiss