Take me somewhere new

What can you do when there's no way to go? When anything seems make sense, and fight doesn'r worth. Or even worst, when there's nothing to fight for. Because there's anything to lose, but neither anything to win. When you can't find your dreams, or it's better to keep them, because your legs are tired to run after them. 

Really, in that moments theres no much to do. You can accept it or... well, maybe you can do something. You can wake up morning by morning, look youself at the mirror and convince yourself you won't let the world eat you, at least without have bitten her before. And you can go out and walk, even without any destiny. Without looking backwards. Taking the risk of the unknown. No fears about what you're going to find, because you know it will be better than the absence you left behind. And if you find someone who fill that gap, don't let him go away. Because you'll never know if you'll find him again. And today I'm going to somewhere. Far of this. Close to you.
¿Won't you take me by the hand and take me somewhere new? I don't know who  you are but I'm with you.

#Triss

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

When your back burns for all the stab wounds wich had been recieved. When it bleeds for the wounds that will never close. When you realized that trust is gone, and you'll never find it again.
When lies are strung with inexplicable situations. When words to the back are more than words to the face. When promises and secrets didn't worth anything. When there's not any collusion. When you cry without knowing a reason. When you fake smiles for inertia.

When you don't know how to act. When anything seems be correct, you know something has changed forever.  And you can't go back. Things happen, problems appear, and friendship die. And it doesn't matter if you like it or not. You can try to avoid it, fight against it or close your eyes for not see that, but you know it will happen.
Someone can tell you it's fate. I don't believe it that kind of fate. Other could blame the time, which make us change. Neither I think it. It makes no sense to blame anyone beyond ourselves. We change and mature with the time, that's truth, but we are who decide what change and what leave in the past. And in this moment, all of us have to chose. And we have to do it. As we have to accept that someone left us in the past, and we don't matter anymore.
Because friendship, for me, means a lot, but eternity it's not its property. And I've learnt by the hard way and a lot of betrayls that, even we fight for it, it ends.
And sometimes we have to accept that it doesn't worth try to save what is lost forever.

#Triss

Unforgettable

One more day, I've made a whole ritual to try to sleep. As I'm doing since months ago. I've turned off the lights, I've downed blinds and I've tried, without any result, to read. I've tried to listen to music and to count sheep.  I've took tea, lime, hot milk and all that people have recommended me. And your image still not letting me to close my eyes in peace. 
Right now, I would wish wind howling outside to take with him all my tears, my memories and the incessant sound of your voice that haunt me in the most unexpected... and also inopportune times. 
Because I can't think in future now. My future doesn't matter if it isn't by your side. 
What I'm doing with my life? Survive, only that. Wish the day to come to see you, even in distance, for a moment. Because the hole you left inside me, it can't be filled but for you. It has your shape and your name. And nobody else fits there. 
And I hate this. I hate having to lie to myself and to others... and much more, I hate letting you to believe my lies. That you think I don't love you, that I hate you and that, at the end, I've learned how to live without you and don't to miss all your stupid crazes of which I complained... but now, I would give anything to recover it.
Because I miss you. Yeah, you, who has sunk me again and again, who has hurt me more than anyone, who has made me to pour the tears I've swore not to pour never. To you, I miss you.
And this night, I will dream awake again with your kisses and your words. I will remember one more time your touch in my back, your look in my eye, and all that words that I want to listen. I will dream awake with you, and I hope that down again, so we can to cross again in a hallway, at least for a moment.

~Triss

I only need a hug...

I've always tried to be strong. No sink, getting over it. In fact, I've never succeeded, everything have been one more appearance. One of many good sides that are put in front of people.I've always been weak, and I hated it. And I always hated more that other realized it.

To bad weather, good face, they say. I have put good face to bad weather, storms and hurricanes. I've smiled to everyone, without any reason. I've given lot of smiles, though I couldn't say how many of them are real.I've smiled without wanting to until it has become a habit. I know some people will call it hypocrisy. It isn't. It's simply proud, wishes to be stronger, to not hurt anyone.

But of course, at the end, you just being alone, and then are no longer need to smile. My bedroom walls have received so many hits and they have seen so many tears that if they spoke, they won't shut up.

It's good to know that there are people around you, that you can rely on them and that they will help you with your problems. I know that. They repeat it to me everyday. To be able to tell them what happen to me is something very different.

Maybe it's proud, probably, pure stupidity, but I am not able to talk with anyone. I'd rather eat my problems, my fears and my silliness, but it's likely to end up catching an indigestion.

And cry, cry everytime I'm alone. Though I knew it doesn't solve anything, though I hate myself for every tear I spill, for every sign of weakness. Cry in silence, trusting in that, someday, someone ends saving me of all this. 

Today is one of those days in what I want to disappear. One of those days in which I would give everything for one of that hugs that make you lose the breath.

~Triss

Forgiven...

-It cost so much for yo to forgive him?
+ No, of course not. Really, I have the easier part of all this. Actually, I want to forgive him.
- I can't understand you. Why don't you do that?
+Because I can't do it.
- I still don't understand you. If you want to do it, why can't you?
+ Forgiving is the easy part. The hard part is up to him. He must deserve that I forgive him. And he haven't done anything to deserve it.
- But you love him...
+ Maybe, but he has shown that he doesn't love me, so that doesn't already matter.

~Triss 

Remember

It's funny how, sometimes, when you least expect it, something happens, something that completely collapses your inside.
A randomly selected song in radio, a perfume that you recognize walking down the street, or simply realize the date in wich we are.
Remember what that date meant a time ago for you, for a "we" that in gone. Even though now that date don't be nothing beyond the date of a test, or the day when you'll see a serial. Although it may only matters to me now, that you've forgotten that.
Although possibly never get to read these words, wich are only a sample of what it costs me to forget you. Although I don't know why I write, or what I'm doing. Although I know that remember the words that we said again and again, isn't going to make me stronger.
Even though I have always advocated that you can not let anything tie you or pinch you in the past. Although I know that for more than wait, your name will never appear on the screen of my mobile. Nevertheless, I guess today I had to write because I have always repeated that hope is the last thing you lost and I think that it is the only thing left for me.

~Triss